How to Wash Your Cat

Well washing your cat should be done by everyone. At least everyone who owns a cat. I've owned cats in the past and am now allergic. Why you may ask? Well because no one washes their damn cats! I used to wash my damn cats.

So, this is how you wash your cat.

No, you say? Your cat washes him or herself? No! Not true. Your cat licks its paws and spreads saliva all over your cat. Your friends are allergic to the dander caused by fleas as well as proteins in the cat saliva which is now all over your cat and now your cat is rubbing him/herself all over your furniture. Your friends come over, sit on the furniture and feel like hell from allergies. Soooooooo, go wash your damn cat!


So, this is how you wash your cat:

Get the tub water luke warm as in perfectly warm like well, urine temperature.
Have the soap, a few towels and cat all in the same room with you with no escape routes. Take off the collar. Firmly grip your cat by it's front shoulders so that you have control over the cat and his/her paws. Get your other hand on his haunches so you have control over his back feet. Have an awareness of where those nails are all all times. Say soothing things to the cat in a soothing tone of voice, it's OK, good kitty, etc.

The 1st couple time the kitty may put up a fight but when the water temperature is just right your cat will relax and almost enjoy the bath.

So get the cat wet but never the ears. I will say it again. Keep the water out of the cat's ears. Soap up the cat (neck and tail right away if you are using a flea shampoo... and near the rear to block those flea escape routes...)

Next wait five minutes for the flea soap to do it's magic. (Your cat will be a bit pissy and howly but it will get over it.)

Next rinse the cat under the same nice warm water (tub's tap will do.) A yogurt container is helpful to splash water under the cat (Keeping your grip near it's neck/on his front haunches with at least one hand.)

Once the cat is rinsed you turn off the tap, wrap the cat in a couple towels and hug the cat, once again saying soothing things in a soothing voice...good kitty, etc.

And that's it! It's that easy. You are done! The cat will wriggle away, sulk and dry itself. Cat's may eventually prefer the bath over the snuggles afterward.

You make get a few scratches the 1st time but I'm sure you are used to these since you already live with a cat!

So, go wash your cats!!!!!!! Your friends will thank you, and maybe even your cat.
The world would be rid of cat allergies if everyone washed their cats once a month.
You can do it, go wash your cat!

OK so, if you absolutely cannot wash your cat just trade it in for a damn dog. You can tell the local pound I said so.